Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
