I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
