which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
