This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
