you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize