my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
