why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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