I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
