everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
