You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
