I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
