life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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