when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
