everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
