I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
