on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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