i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
