Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
