Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize