meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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