You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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