I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
