She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize