You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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