Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is classic penis vs brain.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
