I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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