New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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