oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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