So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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