Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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