Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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