Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
