watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
