he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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