I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You've changed since you got that strap on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize