i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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