yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
