By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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