I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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