I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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