Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
