I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
