Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize