How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
