since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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