Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
where does the pee come out of this thing
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
