hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
