Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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