She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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