Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
