i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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