Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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