yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
