Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
