If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize