Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
