dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
