I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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