Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize