i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
