If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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