turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
