You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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