If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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