I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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