If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
