I faked an abortion last night.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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