Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize