Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
