the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
