he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
