Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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