dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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