better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
