My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
