And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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