yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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