Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
