wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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